| A DIVORCE lawyer who offers advice on how to save
marriages? Surely not in this life, many would say - after all,
divorces are their bread and butter. But Alastair van Huyssteen,
a Cape Town attorney for more than 25 years, believes divorce
should be a couple's last resort. He hopes that in drawing from
his experience in handling divroces, he can help couples whose
relationships are in turmoil. Van Huyssteen has written a book
called The Giant Puzzle which offers married couples advice
on how to |
survive a relationship crisis or breakdown. He
said it was not a book about the legal aspects of divorce, but
rather dealt with relationships under stress. It presented a
unique and affirming discussion about identifying the missing
pieces in a relationship, and fitting these back in to the equation.
He said he had not set out to write a book, but it had evolved
out of various processes. He was asked to write an article on
divorce for a medical newspaper and opted to deal with the emotional
side rather than |
the boring legalities. This later became the subject
matter of a pamphlet he gave to his clients, and a friend then
encouraged him to expand the material into a book. Van Huyssteen
said divorce rates had risen because society had become more
accepting of it. "A divorce does not happen in court but when
a relationship has come to an end. People who have been married
for 30 years have gone through their own private divorce during
the course of their relationship but have learnt to love |
their partner again and 'remarried' each other
again." He said anyone who said divorce was the easy way out
had not been through one and was talking nonsense. "The legalities
are easy but the emotional split is extremely difficult. For
many it's often the last option." He said the book would help
ease the anxieties of couples experiencing relationship problems
and who wanted to divorce. "The anxiety and the pressure of
going into the unknown can turn into a war zone because people
can't see |
the wood for the trees." He said if the veil of
stress was lifted, the couple were able to pause to consider
the situation, their choices and the consequences, and see things
more clearly. They might opt to reconcile, or if they still
wanted to split they would do so amicably. Van Huyssteen said
he did not think he was not being true to his calling because,
he felt, all lawyers who handled divorces should get couples
to reconsider reconciliation. "A lawyer's task and calling is
to help people find the right solution." |